Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
