I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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