garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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