Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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