Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She bit a glass in half.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
