i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
