so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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