There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
