lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
