I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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