The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
