and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
