i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you never un-have a 4some
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
