I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
