i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize