I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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