I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
