how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
