I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
