Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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