Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize