beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My breath smells like gin and sadness
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
