The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
