return my video game
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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