I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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