i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
