i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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