This is not my ceiling
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
