what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
