So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
