are you still at the devil's house?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
