my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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