I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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