Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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