Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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