It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
