just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
