Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
