He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
