Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
