I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
