If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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