I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
