I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
