In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
