One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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