She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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