I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize