I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
