I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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