In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
