She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
