The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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