I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
