Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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