I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
