did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
