Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
