Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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