I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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