I have demons in me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
