I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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