I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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