I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
