Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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