On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we have officially lost it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
