i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
