don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
