Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
