If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
