He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
