I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
